Issue Two

DATE: 2.4.10

A CERTAIN STATUE...



The Student Association Incorporated, which has provided our campus in the past with such eye-burning scars as the NCAA Softball sculpture in front of Natali and the Ascent of Humanity, has once again brought to fruition a bronze masterwork of abysmal quality. All who have walked past the newly remodeled Herron Recreation and Fitness Center have likely wretched at the recently erected Vulcan Statue that now commands and then punishes the happening eyes of those who look upon it. The Vulcan statue is an eye sore to be sure. And how ironic, that it has been situated within sight of the art buildings, as though to mock all those professors and students who’s aesthetically sensitive eyes would rather not have to behold such a disgusting apparition every time they inadvertently glance outside?
I have observed that three separate opinions frequently emerge on campus regarding the unsavory monument. There are those who are apathetic toward it, they being the most plentiful, yet also the most ineffective; those who outwardly hate it, they seeming to be few and whose opinions don’t make it far beyond passive discussions; and those who are very much for it, they being the ones whose opinions are best known and accepted thanks to their political sway, which is increased by the trumpeting of the Cal Times.
I envy those who don’t care about it. It must be nice to pass by such a detestable image day after day and not feel the effects of its lousiness; and then, remain undisturbed, even though actual money was spent in creating it. I, of course, fall into the ranks of those who oppose the presence of the god-awful thing. Unfortunately not all who oppose it are able to formulate an effective argument for their disdain and, avoid discussing it altogether. Hence, the opposition seems to be a minority. Alas, some actually do like it, but I wonder if they like it because it truly appeals to them or because they are obliged to like it. After all, if I were one of the people who had funded it, I might be a little reluctant to make known my negativity for it as well. I’m willing to bet that while these people express positive opinions for it, they would sooner lay themselves under the wheels of an available dump truck than be presented with the option of having it brought into the sanctity of their own homes.
I digress. As it happens, it hardly matters what anyone’s opinion is on the Vulcan statue because it is simply a bad statue. Perceptions cannot alter this reality. Its head is disproportionately gargantuan, no thanks to the chunkily sculpted hair all over its face; its stance is awkward and unbalanced; its legs likely have twisted and strained; its ropy physique looks less like a convincing body full of sinewy muscles and more like a body where the muscles were chiseled on as an afterthought; and, not least of all, the texture of its skin looks as though someone painted it on with a steel brush after the whole thing was cast.
There was talk about installing fuel lines around the Vulcan’s feet, which would have illuminated the whole thing in a ring of fire when lit, but unfortunately this was never realized. Otherwise, I would have been able to cling to the hope that it would one day explode and rid from our eyes this unworthy cacophony of blasting fright. The rest of it is giant, yet weak-looking. Its shoulders, chest, and neck pull in such a way that real muscles and tendons would not.
The Cal Times reported that the Vulcan statue would be a focal point. Well, truer words were never spoken. After all, ugly things do tend to be focal points.

- Cameron Nook


VULCAN VILLAGE: ROBBER BARON

Making the move up to Vulcan Village could be one of the most costly mistakes a Cal U students could make. To start off you must sign a twelve month lease- BAM locked in. What if something happens where you need to break the lease?? Well the resolution to this is quite unique to Vulcan Village. The tenant can move out no problem, but they must pay the remaining months if they do not find someone else to take over their lease and move in. It's a very cleaver tactic because if the tenant breaks the lease and pays off, say the last 6 months, then Vulcan places someone else in the vacant room and makes the money again from the new tenant.
Currently, and until next fall, the cost per month is more or less $540 a month and around $6,480 over the course of the lease. But next fall rent prices are rising almost two hundred dollars. This is way more than most mortgages!
Lastly, Vulcan Village has the worst relations between management and tenant after they move in. This is because they know they have you in an ironclad lease. If you're unhappy, management tells you to just break the lease because they know there will always be students ready to move in because there is a serious housing shortage at Cal.

- Matilda Jeffries

PROGRESS IS PROGRESS

Tree hugger returns, with lamenting tales of future building prospects on Cal’s campus. If you observe the new website (calu.edu) an interactive map highlights beautiful trees located throughout the campus. However, this map only shows the beautiful trees that will exist after the long term plans and several millions, if not billions, of dollars worth of construction. It doesn’t show a beautiful weeping mulberry tree (which sprouts delicious berries in the summer) and a very large native holly tree that currently sit near the former site of beloved Binns Dormitory. In Serenity Paved I stressed many points. This new discovery only exacerbates the current animosity I have towards the University’s “progress”.
Albeit, progress is beneficial. We can observe this in the California University Journal, which published in its latest issue some notes from the January 21 faculty convocation. In it, Dr. Armenti himself stated that FTE (full time equivalent) undergraduate enrollment is up 6%, and graduate enrollment is up more than 20%. A person might notice that this Journal
article ran concurrently with a Cal Times article by Alex Vucelich, who noted that seven English adjunct professors (among other faculty) were fired at the conclusion of the Fall 2009 semester.
While the university makes great additions to student enrollment, a substantial amount of money is being spent on renovations, new buildings, and new parking garages. So where does the university make up for its losses? Why, with faculty cuts and increases in student fees, of course! So the faculty, already dealing with strained class sizes, need to pick up all the work that their former peers were responsible for. This leads me to ask: Why can’t I be the one the university is focused on? Why can’t the focus be upon my well being, my education? It seems, from my seat, that these long term plans make myself, my professors, and my peers the losers, and Cal (as a business) the winner. But what are we to do about it? Paid parking is just a few short months away. Who’s excited? I know I am.

- Lizzy D. Ira




A REVIEW OF THE LINE I’M IN

I write this review from the food court, you know the one, right outside the Gold Rush, where edible food can be had for those poor souls willing to part with a meal plan, and some dine dollars, and the blood of their first born. Yep, that’s the one. I’m standing in line at Joe’s, because all I want is a cheeseburger. I desperately want a cheeseburger. I have wanted a cheeseburger since early this morning and a cheeseburger would bring me both joy and fulfillment. This is not, at least to my perception, a difficult request. After all, Wendy’s can give me a cheeseburger in roughly two minutes. It might smell a little of cannabis and the guy at the counter will have bloodshot eyes and probably spit in it, but, whatever. It’s food, and I would like it now. Please.
The line itself isn’t that long, four people, really, and the woman with the little green notepad is going pretty fast. ‘Excellent’, I think, ‘I’ll be swimming in ketchup and mayonnaise and something vaguely resembling beef in mere moments’. I give the woman my order and enjoy the surly glare of someone who works for AVI. The hopelessness and sadness, roughly the same in any service industry, are like watching prostitutes but somehow so much sadder. My compatriot goes off to get pizza.
Twenty minutes later, my compatriot standing beside me, pizza long grown cold, my cheeseburger arrives. I don’t bother to ask for condiments, it’s been far too long already. I do make the mistake of admitting I would like french-fries, interestingly, despite the full tray of french-fries, it takes me another ten minutes to procure some. I end up at a dirty table, feeling broken, defeated, and hungry. The hamburger (They forgot cheese) is overcooked, the french-fries are undercooked, and I’ve started to cry.
It turns out that tears are almost as good a condiment as spit.

- Hipolit Dudek